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Archive for the ‘bereavement memories’ Category

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal.                                                                                  Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

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Question:    Hi I was so happy to come across your website and [am] hoping you might be able to help me. Yesterday my best friend have birth to her daughter, who sadly died after a few hours. I’m going to visit her this evening and I’m stuck in gift ideas. I would like to bring something for the baby, something that acknowledges the fact that she lived even if it was a short few hours. I also want to bring my friend a gift but don’t want to bring flowers as they too will die. Would you have any suggestions please?

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Suggestions:  Hi Andrea,  I am so sorry to hear this news and how thoughtful that you want to focus on the baby as well as Mom.  

A couple of suggestions would be a piece of engraved jewellery with baby’s name and date of birth on.  There are beautiful and subtle pieces available so that Mom does not have to “explain” about the piece to strangers or friends, should she not wish to.  A bracelet, charm or necklace could be perfect.  Just Google Memorial jewellery and a bunch of them come up.

For the parents, make a donation to the hospital, a school library or other child-focused facility in the family’s name.  If you think that would work.

Obviously these will not be ready for you to take tonight, but you can make arrangements for them for another time.  Tonight taking love, support, comfort and tears or how about a baby blanket to wrap around the little one, will help.

Your friend is lucky to have such support and understanding from you.  The next few weeks and months will be hard for them.  Try not to forget to ask about the father too. Rather than “How are you doing?” think about “How is today going?”  Some days are better than others and sometimes today is all we can try to get through. Don’t be afraid to mention the baby in conversation or to say her name.  All of this will be welcome, not objectionable, to the parents.  Their child lived for real and now in spirit.  It is so great when someone else remembers.

Hugs and best wishes,

Lynda

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There is a special group of photographers working in North America who will take the most beautiful, tasteful, loving photos of children who pass away near birth or right after they are born.  The organization is called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and these talented and special people create the most from an extremely painful situation.  Parents who participate report that the photos are precious memories, especially over time.  In a multiple-birth situation with a survivor(s), these photos can start the conversation about letting the survivor(s) know of their true beginnings.  They offer a time to remember as a family, perhaps to grieve and to share feelings and emotions.  For survivors, the photos offer some healing about their origins and truth about their co-multiple, i.e. there were really two of us at one point in time.  One Mom shared that while most parents have many pictures and memories of their babies, for bereaved parents, these are all they have and they mean everything to them.

If you know of someone who has lost or will lose a baby, do let them know about this amazing organization.  There may be a chapter in your community.   There is no cost to have the pictures taken.

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