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Archive for the ‘Do we still have multiples?’ Category

Some ideas and suggestions which can go into a Memory Box:

  1. Plaster and/or foot prints, if possible.  Sometimes the hospital staff will take them, the funeral home or a local individual who specializes in such work.  They can also be framed into a shadow box as a cherished momento.
  2. Photographs in a variety of poses:  singly, together, dressed, undressed, just hands and/or feet, with parents, siblings, grandparents.
  3. Ultrasound pictures, cards, notes receive.
  4. Photographs from the funeral.
  5. Hospital bracelet(s).
  6. Special ornament for the holidays.
  7. Honorary birth certificate if baby was born still.  Make sure the hospital correctly identifies the multiple-birth.  The loss of one triplet, does not make twins.
  8. Death Certificate.
  9. Some items such as ultrasounds and/or photos can be etched into crystal.  An internet search will provide information regarding such services.
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Linda Leonard has created an amazing, comprehensive resource regarding multiple births in British Columbia, Canada 🇨🇦️ and beyond. This in depth brochure will be of interest to parents expecting twins or more, grandparents, healthcare professionals, researchers, grieving parents, and any one else with an interest in multiple births. Lots of information and resources re breastfeeding of multiples. I am so excited about this valuable brochure. Check it out here: https://nursing.ubc.ca/pdfs/twinstripletsandmore.pdf

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Question: 

After giving birth to our quadruplets at 26 weeks, our son died at 19 days old. We have a very supportive family, but I continue to struggle.  It is getting worse now that we are going out more with the babies and are getting the comments – Wow, you have triplets!! Sometimes I give more details and sometimes I just say yes…but I feel guilty that I don’t let them know about Devon. It’s nice to read that no matter what I say…it’s the right way. 

Suggestion:  

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Devon.  That has to be heart breaking and I have no doubt you feel as if you are abandoning him when you agree you have triplets.  In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.  Your heart knows the truth and we do not have to explain everything to strangers.  It may not feel appropriate at the time.  On the other hand, you may feel that you would like to acknowledge Devon’s birth at another time.  If you feel that way and tell a little of your story, that is right too.  Sometimes you want to explain and sometimes you don’t.  You call the shots.  When you choose not to say any thing, you aren’t denying him, you are acknowledging him within you and that may be enough for that particular day.  You are his Mom now and forever.  May your path be gentle and your challenges manageable.

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