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Posts Tagged ‘twin death’

Should we remember the deceased on their Birth Day or their Death Day?  Maybe both days?  If the reader looks at the obits in the newspaper, there are many memorials on the loved one’s Death Day.  Less memorials for their Birth Day.  Is it better, or easier, to remember one or the other?

For myself, I like to focus on the Birth Day.  The day my loved one was born, came into the world, added to the goings on, even if it was only for a short time.  My dear, dear triplet friend died one week before her 60th Birth Day even though she fought hard to stay longer.  I don’t want to remember her struggles, pain, diagnosis, wasting away, so focusing and celebrating her life on her Birth Day is an easy decision.  I remember our fun, books we read and shared, long contemplations of how to improve the world and teach everyone to get along.  Given enough time, I know we would have solved many of the world’s problems.  LOL  She was funny, intelligent, honest, saw the bright side and a good and true friend.  I miss her frequently, but not on her Birth Day when I celebrate again with her, usually in my head.  Because of her Birth Day, we eventually became friends for over 38 years.  Awesome sauce!

There is no right or wrong day to remember those who should have been able to stay longer.  As long as you feel good about your choice, then that is day that it is best to remember.   We can’t go wrong when we remember our loved ones, maybe on any day of the year.

Best wishes to you and I am so sorry for your loss(es).

 

 

 

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There is a wonderful support organization in the United States called Twinless Twins who offers support and resources for multiples of all ages who have lost their co-multiple at any point in their lives.  They can be reached at http://www.twinlesstwins.org    They have support Chapters all over the United States and an annual convention, sometimes in Southern Canada as well.

There are also several books about being a twinless twins (a term used even for loss within a higher order multiple set of multiples):  Living Without Your Twin by Betty Jean Case;  The Survivor, by Lynne Schulz;  Who Moved the Sun? a tribute to the loss of a twin brother; and Twin Loss by Raymond William Brandt.  As well, my Site at http://www.jumelle.ca has articles and resources for survivors who might appreciate them.

I am so sorry for your loss.

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Question:  I am wondering what a person can do to prepare themselves in becoming a twinless twin or leaving her twin to be on her own…My sister and I always say whatever happens be strong and live your life as good as you can…we say we should make a video so we can be reminded that we are to go on…we are now 56 and we don’t like to think of one of us going before the other…we sometimes say maybe we will be in a car accident and go together…is this crazy thinking…ty…Debbie and Darlene…and also Called Darbie…half and half..
Debbie 

Suggestions:  You have asked an extremely difficult question.  I am sure the answer(s) will be personal and unique and need to be evaluated for each situation.  Twins, triplets and more arrive at the same time, but there is nothing to guarantee that they will leave at the same time, in fact most times, multiples will not die together.  However, the same can be said for every special person we have in our lives, i.e. we will most likely not leave the world at the same time.  Parents with life threatening illnesses will make videos for the children as mementos, and so that their children can remember their voices.  It is not unheard of to make video Wills with proper legal representation.  If a video is what you would like to do, I say go for it.  You don’t mention if either of you have families of your own and I wonder if you have considered your losses for them, if you do have separate families as well.  I have no doubt that any of your family members will also grieve when one or both of you passes on.  The cost of loving anyone is to be heartbroken when they pass on.  I would encourage you and your sister not to focus too hard on one of your deaths rather than to focus on living the good life you mentioned, and fill your lives with wonderful memories to sustain the one left behind.  Getting too caught up on the what ifs could make you miss things you could control, i.e. today and what you choose to do with it.  Enclosing the very best of wishes.    Lynda

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